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What’s a better way to remember the most memorable moments of 2024 than with a snarky, rhyming journey through the biggest stories of the year?

From Democrats pushing crack pipes for kids to media hacks stealing my stories, it’s all here, wrapped in biting verse. Think of it as a holiday card from Seattle, except instead of cheer, it’s packed with chaos and eye rolls.

Pour yourself a cup of coffee 鈥� real coffee, not that pumpkin spice nonsense 鈥� and enjoy! This poem took me way too long to write, so you better read it.

More from Jason Rantz: Here’s why Seattle residents vow to stop tipping in new year

The biggest stories of 2024 — told in a Jason Rantz poem

Another year of lunacy in Washington and our dear Emerald City,
Where accountability’s scarce and excuses are, I guess, witty.
Lawmakers like Clyde Shavers lying about their military pride,
Yet veterans on their watch were cast aside.

Land acknowledgments echo in the Democrat-led House of … despair,
While crime explodes statewide鈥攄o Progressives even care?
Harm reduction鈥檚 the game in King County, syringes for kids?
Fentanyl pipes for addicts? The Radical Left just skids.

The Sound Transit circus again imploded,
After years of bloat and dollars eroded.
Sexually Violent Predators housed by bus stops and schools?
It鈥檚 progressive wisdom鈥攁ctually, it’s progressive fools.

The police vehicular pursuit ban’s lifted, but only in part,
After Democrats let criminals race off with a head start.
Meanwhile, Echo Glen teen inmates lit fires for fries,
And a Mercer Island councilman’s webcam showed … bare thighs.

School music classes are racist in Olympia. Or so lefty school board directors proclaim,
A tune kids play is apparently now a microaggression game.
Meanwhile, equity directors allegedly make racist cracks,
While Dems defend a capital gains tax but their logic lacks.

Seattle LGBTQIA2S++ Pride bans police with zero remorse,
While Olympus Spa in Lynnwood is forced to break its women-only course.
A pool at a Seattle homeless camp? Wow. Talk about plush,
While a UW study dismissed our drug concerns on light rail and buses, telling us to just hush.

Bob Ferguson’s gubernatorial campaign鈥攕cam of the year,
Taking donations while feigning sincere.
Semi Bird’s honors drew scrutiny and warranted attacks,
While his flock stabbed value-driven Republicans in their backs.

Seattle’s cops faced relentless smears,
As Officer Dan Auderer鈥檚 firing stoked lower morale fears.
Chief Adrian Diaz wore many hats, they say,
But identity politics leads the way as he came out as gay.

Antisemitic Squad grandmother Rep. Pramila Jayapal鈥檚 Israel smear drew ire,
While Seattle鈥檚 crime surge climbed even higher.
Meanwhile, Edmonds may ax their police force,
Leaving crime to run its natural course.

So here鈥檚 to the state and city that never learns,
Where common sense is what everyone spurns.
Washington and Seattle 2024, you’ve been a thrill,
But your clown show鈥檚 alive, and it always will.